The DAAB and Sin.

He is Risen! It’s Easter Sunday and the Hubs is leaving for Orlando with the band in a few minutes. I’m super bummed that I don’t get to go because HARRY POTTER WORLD, but duty calls and I have to fulfill my obligations to Pride and Prejudice.

A few weeks ago in my Psychological Testing class, Dr. Mason gave us a short assessment that measured stress, anxiety, and depression. It was basically a Likert Scale (rate how you feel on a scale of 1-5), and it is called the DAAB. I found that, due to my scores, I am put in the extremely severe category for stress and anxiety. This…made me feel anxious. I already know that I have GAD (general anxiety disorder), and I do my best to manage it. I’m about to transition from an SSRI to treat it to using essential oils, but anyway.

Around the “lady moontime” my anxiety is at its all-time worst. In fact, my anxiety almost caused me to call off my engagement to my husband. It can be really bad and confusing when I’m going through a spell. I haven’t had a really bad anxiety time since our engagement, but this week got somewhere close. And it wasn’t that I was worrying and fretting about one thing necessarily…just a lot of things all together. I found a really good image on Tumblr (I’m so sorry, I don’t know the original source), that explains how anxiety feels:

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And that sums it up. And, like the comic says, the worst part really is that you know the feelings you have are lying, but they’re such convincing lies that they’re so easy to believe. And that anxiety blob is sticky and even if you’re able to get most of it off and feel okay again, there’s always residue that sticks with you and the longer you live with anxiety, the more it builds up and the harder it is to cope after a while.

But I always cope. I’m always fine. The hubs brought up an interesting point to me. Not in an insensitive way (because he would never be insensitive to me about my anxiety), he asked me if I thought anxiety was a sin. It stung a little at first, because it’s not an easy thought to have to know that something I can’t really help is causing me to sin by the minute. But after I thought about it…it totally is a sin. And that is the nature of living as a human on Earth, separated so much from God. Sin has a way of getting into our minds and making us believe awful lies and makes us feel like crap every day. The residue left over from anxiety isn’t anxiety at all, it’s residue left over from the original sin that only Jesus can clean off. That’s why I need Him so badly. Because He’s the only one who can make it better.

I’m SO not one to write about religious things or bring in my religious ideals this much, but it’s so important to me because the knowledge that Jesus can clean me up is sometimes the only thing that allows me to see through the haze of anxiety into the world of truth…because Jesus is the purveyor of truth.

Anyway, if anyone is reading this who struggles with anxiety please feel free to hit me up on my Tumblr on you can comment below. Talking about it doesn’t make all the anxiety go away but sometimes it helps a little.

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