This Post is Dark and Full of Feelings

So, yesterday I withdrew from my classes at UGA.

Allow me to explain.

My time at UGA was the most hellish experience I’ve ever had. I’m sure it’s not like this for most people that attend, but the campus carried such a crippling loneliness. I felt crushed by it. And beyond that, I really, really hated my pre-calc class and I was not doing well in it at all. I know that it’s a really lame excuse to blame things on the professor, but I had a grad student who taught way too far above my head (and above the heads of most of the class, tbh), and I broke out in hives every time I walked into the classroom.

I also started to get really behind in chemistry because the pace of the class was way too much for me. The people and the professor made me feel extremely stupid and I felt like such an idiot for having a hard time keeping up with the course material. All of this, on top of being in a new environment and being completely weaned off of my anxiety meds created the perfect storm of having daily panic attacks and crying the entire way back on my hour commute.

I know that I made the right decision to withdraw from UGA. I never want to attend that school again. I truly hated my experience, from start to finish. It’s a really toxic environment for me, and I can’t do it. However, after an extended talk with the hubs and my parents, I found out that I’ll be able to pursue a second bachelor’s degree in pre-med at Emmanuel in the fall. This is really amazing new for me! Emmanuel in an environment that I know I can thrive in, where there are small class sizes and professors and staff that actually know my name and care about me as a person.

The anxiety is really making me doubt that medicine is even the path I’m supposed to be on, and it’s so unbelievably hard for me to separate the truth from the reality right now. I’m relying very heavily on the people in my life that I trust to lead me to on the right path, and I’m making an appointment tomorrow with a doctor to resume my anxiety medication. If nothing else, I know this is the right thing for me to do.

If I’m being transparent, I feel like a failure and a disappointment to my family and the people I love me. I don’t really know if that’s actually how I feel or a by-product of my anxiety, but either way, I’m going to try very hard not to let that stop me from resuming my education at Emmanuel and taking the next step toward med school. I do not doubt that withdrawing from UGA was the right thing to do…I’m just very unsure about what my big-picture is supposed to be. Talk to me again after I’ve had a month to think and get back on my medication.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. carley g. says:

    Dude. Being off meds is an ideal goal for me, but seriously, I only just got to the point where I could do that, at one semester left of college. I wouldn’t even think about doing it for so long because I knew I would do better on them while I was in school and that it would make life so difficult for me if I went off them while still in school. I only just came off of them and I think I only did well coming off because I also switched my diet at the same time (cutting the gluten did wonders for me on so many levels). Any ways, I saluted your decision to try coming off and I salute your decision to go back on them. It’s your body and your life and your the only person who can really know what you need. Forget what everyone else says, it’s not their body or their experience. College is hard as it is, do what you gotta do to get through and still be a healthy and functioning person.

    Like

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