I have not been super consistent about remembering to write blog posts. I think being pregnant has, among a myriad of other things, made me aware of how short a week is. Every time I hit a new week, I’m like “okay! I have a whole week to write a blog post!” then the next thing I know it’s the next week of the pregnancy! That is simultaneously exciting and terrifying. Exciting because we absolutely can’t wait to meet our little one, but terrifying because the reality is slowly and surely sinking in that we’re going to be parents…and all of the crazy huge life changes that come with being parents. No more sleeping in until 11 o’clock on a Saturday morning, no more sitting around all day by ourselves binging Parks and Rec. Those are small things to give up for the awesomeness of having a child, but you know. Big life changes are always scary!
I seem to be approaching the other side of Morning (read: all day) Sickness Mountain. Most days I feel mildly nauseous and overall kind of squeamish at the thought of food, but them some, less often, days, I have to puke, like, NOW. I’ve found that a lot of the pregnancy suggestions about morning sickness are right in that as long as you consistently eat small meals all day, you’re a lot less likely to really get hit with the nausea. That’s been true for me at least. Pregnancy is a very different beast from woman to woman.
I’m also finding that I think I’m one of those women who has a lot of food aversions and not a lot of actual cravings. In fact, a lot of the time, most food sounds extremely disgusting, and a very, very few things sound only tolerable. Things that I used to always really love, like stew from Bar-H and literally anything from Belle’s are now only okay, not delicious and amazing. Also, not completely contrary to my personality, now everything that I’m not supposed to have sounds SO. GOOD. I just want a deli turkey sandwich soaked in soft cheese with sushi on the side and unpasteurized juice to drink. You know. Normal stuff.
My first trimester exhaustion also seems to be subsiding. Before, it was a struggle to literally do anything, and I used every iota of energy to do my schoolwork. Now I’m finding that it gets a little easier to do things like housework and be nice to people. Today, for example, I woke up hangry but as soon as I ate something I feel like a real person. Again, the key seems to be basically eating all day so that I never get to the point where I’m hangry…and mean.
I’ve been crying all the time. Pretty much any time something that happens that elicits any kind of emotion leads to me choking up. I cried several times last night while watching Parks and Rec because I was moved at how nice everyone was being to each other. I cried at work the other day because I saw a GIF of a cute cat. Sometimes I cry because when I eat spicy food I know it’s going to suck if I puke it back up. Pretty much anything. In a weird way I realize that it’s really funny that I do that and I usually don’t mind if people laugh at me for it, because it’s ridiculous!
As far as my anxiety, I definitely am starting to have a lot more good days than bad days. We’re so close to end the of the first trimester, and most people seem to agree that you’re pretty much out of the woods if you make it to 12 weeks. I don’t let myself Google anything unless I get really, really worried, and I think I’m going to start utilizing my doctor’s online “if-you-have-a-question-you-can-chat-with-me-online” thing instead of relying on Google. Not that Google doesn’t have good and sometimes accurate information, but I’ve also discovered that most of the pregnancy chat rooms are overwhelmingly populated with moms who are a little older than me, and as such, have more difficult or high risk pregnancies than I will likely have. A lot of them have had multiple miscarriages (because of their ages, or they have PCOS, or some other chronic complication that I don’t have), and they have a lot of horror stories and worries that they talk about with other mothers in similar situations. Very rarely do I come across a forum populated with younger, 20-something mothers who have uncomplicated pregnancies.
I’m saying all of this to reassure myself against my anxiety, and also to reassure anyone else who may or may not come across this post. Just be reminded that an overwhelming amount of pregnancies end in a healthy, happy baby! I’m definitely excited, and so is my mom. I think I have a preliminary layout for how I want the baby’s nursery to be decorated (even though we’re finding out the gender, it’ll probably be fairly gender-neutral). I have about a million adorable little baby outfits pinned on my Pinterest board and as soon as we get out of the first trimester I might start actually buying some of them!
Other really great news: I officially got approved for pregnancy Medicaid! This is a super wonderful and huge relief, because it basically means that 100% of all of my prenatal care and the actual delivery will be covered, and the baby will be insured for a year after birth. They told us at the doctor on Thursday, and I think I didn’t realize how worried I was about it until I realized I didn’t have to be worried anymore. My card came today so it’s official! Things are going really smoothly and I’m so excited to continue to hit milestones!